he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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