..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
