I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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