Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
