News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
