smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
