Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm really busy with my period
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