the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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