i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
