So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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