I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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