i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How external is "for external use only"?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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