so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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