She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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