Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
