he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
