I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
