FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
