He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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