Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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