her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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