Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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