dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
