hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I want to fling myself into the sun
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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