forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
