I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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