dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
