I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I cut my penus on the lid.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
