oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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