I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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