I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
