My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
