My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
