He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
