I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize