no. you can't hotbox the world.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
