dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
