either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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