What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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