A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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