i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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