I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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