I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
