I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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