when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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