you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize