Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
