i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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