I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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