You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
