Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
