The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
