i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
