Jerry, you need to find god
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
