I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
