He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
