pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
