You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
