So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
