it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize