are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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