party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
