I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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