Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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