new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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