I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
