I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
