I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The struggles of a small town man whore
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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