Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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