Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
